JAIDES
by FictionFinatic28
Summary: if we were an animeee
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Attention!" The leader of the Kingsguard, Sir Rokunami yelled. "Look alive, the King and Queen are coming!"

The heavy oak doors to the armory were pushed open to reveal the broad shouldered King. His eyes swept over the room of the castle knights and he turned his nose up with a sniff, like he'd seen something particularly disgusting. A beautiful blonde woman trailed after him, lips pursed and chin raised. The bright pink dress she wore was enough to make any man flinch.

The King, Sasunaru Phantomhive spoke with a solemn tone, "We have called for you today with regards to a very pressing issue. As you all know, our daughter, Princess Emily, was abducted last night by a monstrous dragon that breathes fire and wreaked havoc at her betrothal feast. We would like two of you to embark on a journey to Fairy Tail Hill and retrieve our princess, so she can marry Prince Suzaku. You will be heavily rewarded with 2 million jewel and the honour of becoming a Kingsguard, so who shall it be?"

The room fell into a tense silence. Incredulous glances flitted between the knights as they contemplated the mission they were given. The ferocious dragon dwelling atop Fairy Tail Hill was known for burning those who dared disturb him alive. Many grave troops had made the lethal march up the hill in the past. There had been no survivors.

No one dared to move a muscle, but the Knight, Salta Joestar. He was a tall fellow with curly brown mops on his head and a straight face, "I'll do it sir!" He looked around, wondering why no one else would raise their hands. Surely, this was an honour and quite worth it. Well, at least, he thought so.

The soldier next to him, hit him with his elbow coughing, "S-s-suicide." And started to cough again.

Salta just frowned and stepped in front of the commander of the Kingsguard. The commander beckoned for his son, Sawney Rokunami, to step up, "My son will prove to everyone that he can be a Kingsguard. He will not fail in his conquest, because the Rokunami family does not fail."

Sawney stood next to Salta, sizing him up. The bored expression on his face seemed as if it was set in stone. He tried to offer a courteous smile, but it only ended up as a scowl. Sawney had jet black hair and dark skin, he wasn't a tall as this Salta, but he was up there. This made Sawney kind of upset, which made his face seem even meaner to Satla. Salta simply looked back to the King and Queen as Sir Rokunami dismissed all the other piss poor Knights.

"So, what exactly happened to the princess, my lord and lady?"

Queen Gale only sighed dramatically, "It's a terrible tragedy, really. She was supposed to marry today."

 **~Yesterday~**

The castle garden bushes rustled under the weight of a lean young man as he attempted to sneak past the castle guards making as little noise as possible. He failed. He ended up having to singe the guards to a crisp in order to get by. What could he say? Stealth was not his forte.

Princess Emily sat in her garden. She wore what any commoner would. What else is one suppose to wear in the gardens? She picked beautiful flowers, even making herself a crown. The day was beautiful and her golden hair flowed in the breeze. She was content and unaware of being watched by Judas the Dragon, who was perched behind a tree. He'd come to see the grand feast tonight, but instead he found a singing beauty in a garden of many flowers. His face was as red as the fire he breathed under his shock of salmon hair, and he was about to come from behind the tree to speak to her, before seeing the King and Queen approach her in anger.

"EMILY!"

The princess jumped at the livid tone, startled out of her reverie.

"Emily Phantomhive! What are you doing here!? You have your betrothal feast tonight to celebrate the marriage we have arranged! And you are nowhere near ready to be presented as our princess. No real princess would waste her time singing commoner songs in such haggardly clothing when she has a very important dinner to attend!" Her mother's voice was shrill in her ears. Emily winced. Lectures were always the worst.

"You know how important our concordance with the Kururugi family is. They are funding our entire war effort! If you fail to impress, we will be left in shambles." The King scoffed and set a firm arm over her shoulders, steering her back into the castle.

Emily looked at her feet, almost being brought to tears by their words. She didn't want to marry this Suzaku Kururugi and she certainly didn't want to be treated like a child, but there was nothing she could do against the King and the Queen. She looked behind her and noticed the fiery hair behind the tree, but it was too late for investigating.

Judas was appalled. The Princess had looked so happy a moment ago, he was sure her life was perfect. However, it seemed like these royal parents of hers did quite a number on her. It was startling to see how quickly her face crumbled under their words. Not that he could blame her. Parents like those could make even his fire go out, he imagined. But he had no time to waste on such pointless thoughts.

The feast was _tonight._ Judas slinked back into the shadows and hurried away, having gotten what he came for. He would come back tonight to break into the grand feast he'd been hearing about for so long, and finally get his hands on all that glorious _food_. His mouth watered just thinking of it. Judas hurried off, and broke into a run when he was far enough away. Large, heavy wings ripped from his back and streamed behind him. Brilliant red scales emerged from his pores, and his sharp fangs flashed in the sunlight as his wings caught the wind and lifted him into the air. Judas had always loved his dragon form a little bit more than his human body, despite the hatred he received for it. He pumped his wings faster, relishing in the feeling of his chest swelling with a freedom he just couldn't find tied down to the earth. He flew a thousand feet in the sky, his golden eyes sparkling with mirth. He just couldn't wait for the feast and to see the princess again.

Later on that evening, the castle received a surprise guest.

"DRAAAAGONNNNNN! RUN!"

The grand dining hall descended into chaos. Guests were screaming in terror and scrambling for the exit in their tailored suits and poofy skirts as Judas thrashed behind them. He let out a roar more savage and bloodthirsty than any of the paper-and-glue counterparts that the civilians liked to wear on Halloweens. Within two minutes, Judas had cleared the entire room.

With a cheeky grin, he began clawing the food off the table and tossing them through the broken windows and into the burlap sack he'd set beforehand. With a loot like this, he wouldn't have to bother hunting for _days_. He was sizing up the beautiful sweets arranged on the other end of the table when he caught sight of a painfully bright pink skirt peeking out from under an upturned table. Apparently, Judas wasn't as good at clearing a room as he'd thought.

He edged over to the skirt and pulled away the table to reveal a quivering young woman, with her eyes screwed shut in fear and hands curled tightly around a butter knife in what he could only assume self-defense.

"P-P-Please don't hurt me!"

Her voice shook wildly and hot tears were spilling over her cheeks. Judas tilted his head, considering her carefully. Sugary syrup was spattered over her dress, and the spilled wine soaking her hair made her look like some kinda fairy food princess. But he could recognize that face anywhere.

It was the girl from the garden. The one with the golden hair, and the nasty parents. The one who sang more sweetly than the birds that chirped below him when he flew.

And here she was, a quivering shell of the person he saw before, he mused. Sitting in a tight-fitting dress she didn't like for the sake of a marriage she didn't want. Her beautiful voice forever silenced under the weight of uncaring parents she didn't deserve. It was quite the tragedy. Tragedy wasn't really a good look on her.

Without any warning, he hauled her over his back with one swipe of his claws before grabbing his precious sack and leaping for the sky. Before Emily knew it, they were airborne.

Now, of course, she screamed. What would any person do? She was sure the dragon would burn her alive or fatten her up with all the foods from the feast and eat her. She contemplated jumping off, but thought otherwise when she saw the treacherous drop below. There really was no way out, was there? She'd be stuck living for however long the dragon let her stay alive in a grimy cave away from her parents, never to set foot in the kingdom again. She thought she might cry.

She thought of the parents she left behind, probably scrambling to pull the feast back together. Surely, her rescue wasn't as important to them as the ambassadors from the all across the kingdoms that could potentially help with the war effort. Her heart sank a little. Some days you just couldn't win.

"Sing for me." The dragon said in a raspy voice.

She was in no position to decline the beast. She held onto him, looking up into the sky, " _I want what I left behind me, I trip when your name reminds me~ Those days when things were new. Those days when I had you. Oh take my hand and remind me…"_

 **~Now~**

"So, we need you two to hurry. The Kururugi family is all we have so we don't lose this war." The Queen stated.

Salta Joestar and Sawney Rokunami were given the golden armor of a Kingsguard. They weren't familiar with each other, really. Sawney knew Salta as the potty-mouthed arrogant Canadian and Salta just thought Sawney would grow up to be as mean as his father. Salta struggled with the armour. It was heavy and bright, plus he had no clue how to put it on, Sawney, however, was a pro. He had the whole thing on and he had a bag of foods for the trip. He turned Salta around and helped him with the rest of his armour, "Don't get me killed, Joestar, alright?"

Salta frowned and yelled with blasphemy, " _I'm_ Salta _Joe_ star of **thee** Joestar clan. How could you possibly think that yours truly could ever fuck up on a quest as easy as this? If _anything_ , you should be worried about not getting _me_ killed. _Sure_ , your paps-"

Sawney covered his mouth and growled, "I hope you don't always talk this much."

Salta slapped his hand away angrily and walked through the castle doors with Sawney. The other guards waved them off and all of them chanted together, "Suicide! Suicide! Suicide!" They only shut up when being yelled at by Sir Rokunami. He gave Sawney a hard hit on the back and whispered, "Don't come back if you don't have the princess." Then let go of him.

Sawney stumbled a bit, then scowled, walking with Salta. The two were hardly the dream team. The only thing they seemed to have in common was that they were both brave males in the same armour. Salta had olive skin, which was already beginning to turn tan from the rays of the sun. He wished it was nighttime, where the sun departed under Mount Collage and lit up the sky with beautiful blues and oranges. The Mountain was quite far off. It was, at least, past Fairy Tail Hill and was, certainly, the tallest Mountain in this world. It was made of art so beautiful, it would drive a man to stay there forever and die. A few men had already done so. They say, the best collage lies at the top, but it's an impossible journey. Hell, people say slaying a dragon is impossible, but this was ludicrous.

Sawney walked ahead of Salta. He was really bugged about this mission. Salta must've really needed the money or he was a fool to Sawney, but it didn't matter. The last words he'll probably hear from his father was to not come home. Sawney scoffed and turned back around, "Could you walk any slower, Joestar?"

Salta rolled his eyes, "Meh, I'm not really all that eager to travel through the forest of Ooglies. I was hoping they'd give us a wagon or some horses."

"The only thing they decided to waste on us was this fake armour. We're expendables and they're expecting us to die." Sawney replied, solemnly.

"Wow, you really should lighten up. We're gonna kick that dragons ass, get some mad cash, and have whatever we want, if my name isn't Salta Joestar of th-?"

"I get it, alright!" Sawney couldn't help but smirk a bit at the boys enthusiasm and he walked alongside him. To be honest, Sawney wasn't all that happy to go into this forest either. Why, the Ooglies were these big fat green creatures that didn't even have the proper decency to put on clothes, let alone have some type of hygiene routine. They had menacing black eyes and always looked like they were about to unleash a mighty sneeze. You'd better hope they weren't gonna sneeze either, it's poisonous to all creatures and fatal. The only few people that know the cure are hostages in the Meme Center. This is the place the Ooglies lived and kept their slaves that would soon be turned into Memes. They used the Memes to fight all their enemies.

The creatures dwelled here and came out at all hours of the day. It's practically impossible not to encounter them when travelling through this forest, which was also a pain in everyone's rear.

The man who created the Ooglies, Mitchell Kosmos, lives _even farther_ than Mt. Collage. He probably sits in his freakish castle making more nuisances for the world. Just about every problem you can think of here was caused by him, except for the war the Phantomhives are in now. Kosmos, however, works with the opposing sides, which leads back to the many many problems.

It was evening and the boys had been lucky, so far, in their travels. They'd been able to stay out of battle with the Ooglies and there was still a ton of food. This, of course, made Salta even more cocky, "I _told_ you this quest was gonna be easy. No Ooglies, new armour, money, and food! Pfft, and you doubted me."

Sawney put his hand up for Salta to stop talking. He looked almost forlorn, squinting into the ominous darkness and trying to listen closely.

"What is it? You think it's an Ooglie?" Salta was shut down again by Sawney clasping his palm over his mouth.

Sawney stood and was quickly knocked down by a foot in his skull. It was the foot of a girl in all black. You couldn't even see her, for the night became pitch dark quickly in these woods. Yelling came from behind Salta as another girl in all black knocked him out with stern kick to his cranium, "Debby Rickey! I told you countless times not to just attack our victims! Yes, we're bandits, but we have to be stealth as well!" Sawney grabbed Debby's foot and slammed her down into the hard earth. Vya Okumura was livid. No one touched Debby! She could see perfectly in the night as if she were one with the bats. The purple highlights of hers shined in bits and pieces of the moonlight, but her face was not revealed. She gave Sawney a kick with her black heeled boot into Sawney's jaw, knocking him out completely.

"I guess their luck ran out, Vya, right?" Debby said with a devilish grin, blissfully unaware of her impending scolding.


	2. Chapter 2

"They're getting away with our stuff! The princess could be _dead_ by now! We need to catch them!" Salta exclaimed, trying to wiggle free.

"I don't know Salta, it's kinda hard to do that when we're tied to a bloody tree, _naked!_ " Sawney retorted in frustration.

"We aren't _naked_ , I, Salta Joestar, of the Joestar clan could not lose all my dignity. We still have our trousers!"

Sawney leveled him with a withering glare.

A man about the age of sixty was wandering through the forest. He resembled Tarzan in a weird old way, because all he wore was a loincloth, "You whippersnappers look like you're in a pickle." The old man looked down at the two Knights. They looked absolutely pathetic, bound with hemp rope. Not to mention, they were taken down by two females.

"Old man, we don't need pleasantries, could you, I don't know, untie us?!" Sawney grew more impatient by the second, shooting daggers at the old man.

"Well, ya'll don't have any gold to give as reward….I'll have to take those nice fine silk trousers, you got there."

"Excuse me?! Is he mad? Does he know who I am? I'm-"

"Shut up, Joestar. Fine, you can have the damned trousers, just free us." Sawney really had no intention of giving away the only pair of clothing he had. He'd much rather have fought an old man then that. If his father ever heard about this...

The old man shook his head and took the trousers while they were still tied up. He was no fool. He put both pairs of them on at once, then cut them free with his dagger. A weird forest Tarzan man that steals boxers...the Knights were awestruck. After freeing the two, he made off. It was nearing night and who wanted to find an Ooglie in the night?

"Well isn't this fucking peachy? You let the old man take the only thing we had left!" Salta covered himself with a bush.

"Well, I wasn't gonna die against a tree with _you_ carrying on about how you're Salta Joestar!"

Salta groaned at the imitation of himself and crouched to the ground, "I found the tracks from the girls cart. They took our stuff and put it in there!"

"I know, I was there, I remember. Let's just follow them. Hopefully, we catch them while they're sleeping." Sawney held a piece of bark to cover himself and walked along the path.

The two knights followed the trail until they came upon the glow of a campfire in a clearing in the woods. Two girls were sitting around it, sifting through some very familiar knapsacks.

"dUDE ITS THEM-"

"Shhh!" Sawney clamped his hand over Salta's mouth to silence him before he gave them away. After all, they were dealing with the two ingrates that stole all their belongings from right under their nose and _tied them to a tree_. _Naked._ He could not ignore that kind of skill.

"We have to get our stuff back. At least our swords!"

"I know, I know, let me _think_ "

"What is there to _think_ about we're naked and unarmed! You really wanna try talk strategy right now?"

"OK FINE, let's just go omfg!"

They crept through the underbrush, keeping to the shadows. If they could just sneak up behind them they could probably pull off a silent ambus-

"Can you not sound like you're trying to set off an earthquake?"

Salta gave him a wounded look. "Well it's kinda hard to creep around like a ninja when you have to worry about your _dignity"_ He hobbled ahead, clutching his bush, snapping literally every twig he passed as he went. Sawney followed with a put-upon sigh. Honestly, he was surprised he hadn't been killed yet, with Salta around.

Slowly, they advanced toward the two figures silhouetted against the light of the campfire. One of them was leaning into the other, and their arms were wrapped around each other. They seemed close, from what Sawney could tell. A little _too_ close.

"Bro...are they lesbians...or..?" Salta stared at the two. They were snuggled together by the fire and it wasn't even _that_ cold.

"Who cares...lesbians or not, they still stole our stuff." He narrowed his eyes at the happy girls. "On the count of three."

"1..2….3!"

"BLAAARRRRGHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Vya and Debby shrieked, already scrambling away from their assailants. One minute, they huddled around the warmth of the fire, marveling at the day's catch, and the next they were being jumped by these random dud- were they _naked?_

"wHAT THE FUCK?" Debby yelled in shock.

"Who the hell are you creeps?!"

Salta lunged for their knapsacks, letting go of his bush in the process. He grabbed the bags by the straps and swung them over his back, smiling triumphantly. "Who are we? WelI _I'm_ Salta Joestar of the Joestar Cl-"

He fell with a thud as Debby landed gracefully beside him on the balls of her feet with a smirk.

"We'll be taking these." Vya snapped.

She snatched the knapsacks away from an unconscious Salta and glanced back behind her. Vya had a struggling Sawney secured in a headlock, unable to move. Vya rolled her eyes. "What a bunch of wimps."

"Hey!", Sawney protested. "It's not like we stole all _your_ clothes and weapons. You caught us at a disadvantage. And all we were trying to do was get our stuff back."

"Get our stuff back….wait…." Vya twisted his head towards the light to get a better look, ignoring his rambling. "You guys are the losers from the woods!"

"I wonder how they got free...oh wait, they're naked." Debby rolled Salta out of the way as he started to regain consciousness, "Well, their armour was fake anyways~"

Sawney banged his head back, hitting Vya in the nose, then stood up walking over to their cart, "We're just trying to do our jobs and go save the princess, but inste-"

"Wait! You guys are the real deal?" Debby went over to Vya and looked at her nose with a pout. She was starting not to like these idiots more and more.

"Yes, we're the real deal. We may not seem like it, but we're Knights." He'd already put on his armour and had his sword back on his hip. He pulled Salta up and banged his head on a tree, "Get up!"

"Ow! What is wrong with you people?!" He pushed Sawney away and went to change behind a tree. His dignity was ruined and Sawney was having small talk with these _lesbians._ Salta was lost.

"So you're saving the princess? The one that was carried off by that dragon?" Vya asked, moving her sore nose around.

"Yeah, how do _you_ know about that?"

Debby scoffed. " _Everyone_ knows about that. The bloodthirsty dragon crashing the betrothal party and swooping away with the princess all the way the Fairy Tail Hill. Tch. It's a suicide mission. They must be paying you guys a gajillion jewels cuz there is no way…...Wait. You guys must _actually_ be getting paid a gajillion jewels for this stuff. Ohmygods.."

A loot like that could set them up for life...they would never have to sleep in the streets again. Debby looked up to Vya, who was already looking back, the beginnings of an idea flitting through her gaze. Vya smirked, releasing a sharp nod.

In an instant, both girls had the knights in a tight hold, with their faces squashed against the dirt ground and their arms pulled painfully behind them.

"Well boys, today's just not your day~" Vya tightened her hold on Sawney and chuckled darkly.

"We'll cut you a deal, hmm?" Debby said, mischief dancing in her eyes, "We take you to Fairy Tail Hill, seeing as we have a shortcut, and you two cut us in on your reward."

"And if you don't," Vya continued, "Well, let's say the king will have two less pesky guards to deal with."

Salta scoffed from his place under Debby's foot. "As if. We're two trained knights from the royal army and you two are some poor thugs that jump people and steal their clothes for a living. You really think you can kill us?"

"Don't you ever call us thugs! I could kill you now!" Debby grabbed his sword and sunk it into the ground to the hilt by his face, cutting his cheek.

Sawney eyed the sword and the dangerous, borderline crazed glint in Vya's eyes warily. Maybe….maybe they were a little outmatched here. Somehow, he didn't think the girls did empty threats.

"Fine, we'll cut you in, just take us to the Hill." Sawney spoke calmly, although he was ticked at the two girls. He knew now to ever underestimate females that lived in forests.

"You should be more like...oh we don't know your names… Well, I'm Debby, that's my companion Vya-"

"Told you they were lesbians, Sawney!"

Sawney groaned into the soil. Salta was just too outspoken at times and right now was not the time for it.

"We aren't lesbians! WHy does everyone think we're lesbians?!" Vya let go of Sawney, fuming with anger.

"I'm sorry! I was just kidding!" Salta said, which made Debby let go of him.

Vya sat down at their fire and picked up the piece of bread she was eating before being so rudely interrupted. Debby hooked her arm through Vya's and sighed, "Well, you two could sit down and eat. I'm sure being tied to a tree and having your underwear stolen must've worked up an appetite."

Sawney accepted the bread, almost grateful, before he realized where they got it from. He rolled his eyes. "Really, stealing our clothes, and now you're eating all our food, too? You guys are terrible partners."

"We have other people's foods in the cart. Yours is just much fancier and from the capitol." Debby stuck up her pinky and put her chin in the air, tauntingly, "I wear fake gold and piss my pants while the princess gets stolen away. You people are jokes."

"Well at least we don't attack people in the woods and tie them to a tree." Salta leveled her with a heavy glare. "Real classy, by the way."

"Well, everything wasn't given to us on a silver platter...or maybe a platter of fake gold." She retorted, glaring at his armour.

"Nothing ever came easy to me either, but you don't see me going out and wasting my life away in the middle of the woods." Salta seethed. "All you do is take away from other people, not even caring about how you hurt them!"

"We aren't wasting our lives away! We take from those more fortunate. Everything we do isn't just for ourselves, but bastards like you could never begin to understand!" Vya hushed Debby, pulling her in for a hug as she fixed the pair with an icy glare.

"You don't know anything about us, we don't care about you, so lets just keep it that way before we knock out all your teeth and steal those too." Vya said smoothly.

Sawney didn't care about not one, two, or three of them. He just wanted to find this girl and go home and be a Kingsguard. He ate some of the food, solemnly, as the bickering finally ceased and he laid down in the soil. Why must people get so angry and touchy? It'd be easier to bottle your feelings up.

Vya sighed. Well. This was going to be one hell of a trip.


End file.
